The other day at lunch, a friend of mine who knows about my decision to stop drinking, asked me how the holidays went without booze. I thought for a minute and said, “Great. Really great.” Which they did. The thing that I learned that surprised me the most was that I always thought wine helped me unwind during the stressful times. Having gone through it sober, I learned that – yes, there’s still stress associated with the holidays, but that it was much more manageable WITHOUT alcohol.
The more sober time I accrue (today is day 148, I believe) the more clearly I see and am able to admit the problems booze was creating in my life. I shared that with her in conversation the other day and she listened thoughtfully and intently. I told her that for me, the bottom line was this: I knew it was time to quit when the thought of continuing the way I was going was MORE terrifying than the thought of quitting (which scared the absolute shit out of me, truth be told).
She thought for a second and said, “That makes a TON of sense.”
I think I’m getting to the point where I can selectively be more honest about my reasons for quitting. And being a person who is not overfond of secrets, it’s pretty cool to be getting comfortable with my truth.