The Dichotomy of Recovery

Here’s what I’m thinking about today…..

I wrote recently about finally feeling like a grown up. Handling stress, letting it flow through me without trying to control it. Or stuffing it down and drinking over it later.

I was talking to my husband the other day about a kind of revelation I’d had about sobriety. I told him that, another thing I’m realizing about this decision to stop drinking, is that I’m experiencing life now at two extremes of the spectrum.  I feel such joy in the most ridiculously simple things: crawling into bed with a good book, playing with my granddaughters, drifting off to sleep at night cuddled against my husband, a good cup of coffee….. It’s happiness and serenity in its purest form.  Like being a child again.

And at the opposite end, I feel like a brand-new grown up. I’m learning that I can deal with whatever life throws at me, stone-cold sober.  I’ve noticed it may take me a while to figure out exactly how I feel about a situation, and that’s new, too. Just giving myself the gift of time to process instead of rushing to react to everything like I used to.  I would spend so much time shoving unpleasant shit down or avoiding dealing with it by having a couple of drinks to soften the edges for a while.

Life is so much richer and better and authentic now.

Which makes me kind of sad that I didn’t quit long, long ago.

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3 thoughts on “The Dichotomy of Recovery

  1. Thank you for your blog and sharing your success story. I have read it from the beginning as for me, today is DAY ONE, and I need to believe it is possible. If you and many others did it, I can do it too. I need to stop drinking for my physical and mental health.

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    • Oh Diane,
      Thanks for your response… You can do this! One day at a time…. Try to treat yourself as kindly as you would your very dearest friend. Pamper yourself with treats: your favorite tea or coffee, fresh flowers, a magazine or book… You deserve it! I was a teary, shaky mess for a couple of days but it got easier every day. Try to notice how good you feel in the morning when you’ve made it through another day and FOCUS on that wonderful feeling. It gets better every day! Before you know it, you’ll have a week, then a month, then – 6 months! Have you checked out Belle’s blog, Tired of Thinking About Drinking? Unpickled? Crying Out Now? The Booze Free Brigade? There’s so much help on the internet! Please feel free to email me whenever you need a shoulder or a sympathetic ear. I really mean that! Huge hugs!!

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      • Thank you so much I am deeply touched to a point that I’ve got tears in my eyes. This is the first time I feel someone’s reaching out. You have no idea how your message is helpful and meaningful. I feel very peaceful tonight, knowing I’ve made the decision to take care of myself. I will check all the other blogs you mentionned. All the tips and advice I can are welcomed. You are so right about pampering ourselves, instinctively I bought some books today, went to yoga, had a nice bath, and bought a variety of non alcoholic drinks. It feels as if I will start enjoying life and all its little pleasures again. That’s exciting! A huge weight has been lifted… all the anxiety knowing I was self-destructive… no more! I really appreciate your offer to write when I need to… you’re an angel sent from above! I guess my prayers were heard at last. Thank you ! x

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