Here’s what I’m thinking about today…..
I wrote recently about finally feeling like a grown up. Handling stress, letting it flow through me without trying to control it. Or stuffing it down and drinking over it later.
I was talking to my husband the other day about a kind of revelation I’d had about sobriety. I told him that, another thing I’m realizing about this decision to stop drinking, is that I’m experiencing life now at two extremes of the spectrum. I feel such joy in the most ridiculously simple things: crawling into bed with a good book, playing with my granddaughters, drifting off to sleep at night cuddled against my husband, a good cup of coffee….. It’s happiness and serenity in its purest form. Like being a child again.
And at the opposite end, I feel like a brand-new grown up. I’m learning that I can deal with whatever life throws at me, stone-cold sober. I’ve noticed it may take me a while to figure out exactly how I feel about a situation, and that’s new, too. Just giving myself the gift of time to process instead of rushing to react to everything like I used to. I would spend so much time shoving unpleasant shit down or avoiding dealing with it by having a couple of drinks to soften the edges for a while.
Life is so much richer and better and authentic now.
Which makes me kind of sad that I didn’t quit long, long ago.