My first sober Fourth of July is in the history books…. and, much to my surprise, it provided more challenges than I thought it would. Summer’s been harder than I thought it would be, even after almost 11 months of sobriety. It seems booze is in my face everywhere I go… Strolling down the main street of our town where people are dining and drinking outside, there are live bands playing every block or two and people are holding cups of beer or wine.
And – have you been to the movies lately? Have you seen the booze commercials before the movie? And here’s what I love: the slogan is all about “making the night unforgettable” with booze. Hello? Are you shitting me right now?
And I’m the allergic little kid staring longingly in the pet store window at the adorable puppies romping inside.
We went to a family party on the 4th where again, I was surrounded by people drinking beer, wine, mojitos… But guess what. Nobody but me gave one little shit about what was or wasn’t in my cup. (Diet grapefruit soda.) After I got over my bad self, I ate whatever I wanted. And second helpings of dessert.
I was never at risk of throwing in the towel and drinking; I don’t ever plan to imbibe alcohol again. But the notion of being sober had faded to the background; become a thread in the fabric of my daily life. That fabric has become a little scratchy and uncomfortable lately and I just need to break it in a little bit – it’ll be just fine.
Oh – and the counseling dilemma – I did go back for the second visit. We talked a little more and I was very honest about how deeply upsetting I found the breathalyzing/pee testing. And we agreed that this particular agency is not the place for me. So the counselor there is going to come up with some names of psychologists she’s referred other people to. She seems to think (and I agree) that short-term, issue-specific CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is what would be most beneficial for me.
So that’s what’s new. My plan is to keep plugging along, doing my thing and enjoying my summer.
And I have confidence that things will get easier again, as long as I keep doing the next right thing.