41 Months and Still Learning

I just realized it’s been a long time since I posted. Life has been moving at breakneck speed. I just wanted to share some things I’ve been thinking about.

This weekend my husband and I are going out of town for a family Bar Mitzvah. I’ve got all kinds of treats packed for the hotel room: Kcups and a clever little portable coffee maker, special creamer, fun a/f beverages, snacks…..

Almost exactly three years ago, we traveled to the same town for a family Bat Mitzvah. It was my first sober getaway and I remember still feeling like everything was almost painfully strange and new. I packed a care kit for myself that included special scented hand cream, treats for the hotel room, and ear buds so I could use a sleep meditation on my phone without disturbing my husband. I remember being at the party, where craft beers and glasses of wine were offered. The glasses of wine were so small – I wondered, if I’d still been drinking, how many of them I would have felt comfortable drinking without anyone noticing. Ugh.

Now I still notice what/how much other people drink, but I’ve realized nobody really cares what’s in my glass. Events like these are no problem whatsoever.

But here’s the thing: as I began making mental lists of what to pack, I noticed that my husband’s bottle of bourbon was running low (he likes to pack some for the hotel room). I found myself getting a little anxious that he wouldn’t have enough booze for the trip. Because I remember all too well having to make sure that there was enough wine for me when we traveled together.

Just a friendly reminder from the Universe that, yes indeedy, I had a problem, and – nope, my brain is neither healed or fixed, even after all this sober time under my belt.

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4 thoughts on “41 Months and Still Learning

  1. I’m on my way to 5 years and that anxious feeling can creep into me every now and then too. Pisses me off that I think, man, why can’t I have a cold, crisp glass of wine with my dinner. But I remember why, one is never enough. I doubt that feeling ever goes away, we just push through. Have fun and relax, you’re well prepared.
    Sharon

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I sometimes finding myself being the person who keeps offering to get other people drinks. Sick! I walk around with a wine bottle, topping off their glasses. In my own family, even. I think it keeps me busy when other people are standing around drinking. I get bored. I’m sure there some healing that needs to take place so that I can stop this behavior. : (

    Like

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