Hey, friends…. So much has happened since my last post.
Do you want the good news, the bad news, or the even better news first?
Good news? OK. I’ll start there.
Well. The good news is that grand baby #6 is due in August. Our younger daughter is expecting her first, a girl, in August. This is something she’s wanted for a long, long time. We were over the moon when she told us a few days after Christmas. The pregnancy is going well except for a nasty case of sciatica, which is making our poor daughter extremely uncomfortable.
The bad news is that about six weeks after the pregnancy announcement, the marriage imploded in a dramatic and irrevocable way. ‘Nuf said. She has been left to navigate first-time parenthood and single parenthood alone. We’ve been there for her through rage and betrayal and heartbreak and profound sadness.
Here’s the even better news: in three short months, she’s worked hard to accept what’s happened and has begun to make a plan for herself and her daughter. She has chosen to focus on what she has, instead of what she doesn’t. She has a career she finds fulfilling, a loving and supportive family, and a determination to co-parent with her ex in a functional and – dare I say – amicable way. I am amazed by her strength and resilience and wicked sense of humor, every single day.
But, friends…. I haven’t craved escape so much since I quit drinking almost seven years ago.
Not through difficulties at work.
Not through my other daughter’s miscarriage.
Not through my mother’s final illness and death.
Dealing with the shock of the marriage ending along with being a sounding board and shoulder to cry on for our daughter….. pushed me to my limit. I told my husband that I likened myself to an emotional sponge. But sponges have a saturation point and I felt I could not take ONE. MORE. THING. It was very, very hard.
I didn’t drink. I didn’t want to, either. But I did crave escape.
So how did I handle it, you ask?
Well. I listened to my inner voice. The one that told me to go easy on myself. The one that said to cut back on “have to” and instead, pay attention to “want to.” I gave myself as many opportunities to be quiet and still and “unplug” from the world as I could. If it didn’t absolutely have to be done, I didn’t do it. My sweet husband scheduled a couple’s massage for us after I mentioned that I felt my shoulders and neck were turning to stone from the stress. I let myself feel my feelings, instead of pushing them away. That’s something I still have to work hard on.
And you know what? We’re all going to be just fine. More than fine. And my sober muscles are stronger than ever. We can do hard things. Stone cold sober.